The Quest For Pokeballs
by The Late Blake
Summary: This is plotless, crass, and pretty obscene, but funny as heck. What happens when Ash loses his ::ahem:: assets? ::wink:: Read and review!


Disclaimers: I claim nothing but the story and the idea itself. The rest (e.g. characters, names, concepts, etc.) all belong to someone else.  
  
A/N: This all started when I read the line "He couldn't find his pokeballs," from a fic somewhere, and I nearly killed myself laughing. If you still don't get it, that's okay, because you will. Just read on.  
  
The Quest for Pokeballs  
  
Ash woke up one fine sunny day and almost flopped over and died from shock. When his heart started beating again, he told himself rationally that what he thought had happened just couldn't have happened because it has never happened to anyone before and therefore shouldn't happen to him. But when he took a look between his legs, he found out rather unpleasantly that what he thought had happened had in fact happened. He opened his mouth and emitted a loud, girly, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!"  
  
Pikachu, Misty, and Brock came running over to see what was wrong. "What's wrong, Ash?" asked Brock, rubbing the sleep from his near-nonexistent eyes.  
  
"My pokeballs are gone!" Ash exclaimed, blushing.  
  
Misty fainted, Brock gasped, and Pikachu started laughing its yellow head off.  
  
"Shut up! It's not funny! I can't reproduce without my pokeballs! Brock, as a guy, you should understand!"  
  
Brock nodded wisely. "Yes, your pokeballs are part of what makes you a man. But you can't just lose them overnight...they have to be somewhere. We'll go look for them!"  
  
Misty, waking up, decided to put forth her valuable opinion. "We can't just go looking for them! It's not like pokeballs grow on trees! Shouldn't we take Ash to a doctor or something?"  
  
Ash, who was picturing what it would be like if pokeballs grew on trees, shuddered and took a moment to respond. "But Misty, it's not like I'm injured or anything. It doesn't even hurt! I'm just...missing some parts. And, like Brock said since those parts have to be somewhere out there, we should go look for them."  
  
"Pi, pikachu!" Pikachu added helpfully. Everyone ignored it because no one understood what it was saying anyway.  
  
They packed up and trekked along the path, looking left and right and up and down for Ash's lost pokeballs. "Pokeballs! Where are you??? Come on out!" Misty called out loudly. Poor Ash turned bright red.  
  
"Misty! Don't do that! I don't want the whole world to know that I've lost my pokeballs! Besides, is not as if they'd answer you and come rolling back and reattach themselves."  
  
Brock turned from his looking and said, "Hey, I've been wondering about that. How are we going to put them back where they belong once we've found them?"  
  
Ash also turned from his looking and said, "I guess we'll have to take them to Nurse Joy and have her handle it."  
  
Misty turned green before turning from her looking too. "You mean we'll actually have to carry your pokeballs?! Ewww!!! Gross! I'm not doing it!"  
  
All three got into a big argument and stopped looking altogether, so it was inevitable that Pikachu ended up being the one who finally found it.  
  
"Pika pi!" it yelled excitedly, dashing off to get Ash's pokeballs. It returned with them and proudly poked Ash. He turned around to see what Pikachu wanted, and promptly passed out. Apparently, the sight of his beloved pokeballs in Pikachu's mouth was a bit too much for him. Misty also took in the sight, and turned even greener. Brock had to try and revive Ash himself while she went off to puke in the bushes. Pikachu just sat down and waggled its ears happily, pleased that it had done its duty and gotten its master's pokeballs back.  
  
Ash finally woke up, and Misty came back looking somewhat healthy. Together, the three of them packed Ash's pokeballs safely in some ice and made Brock carry the container. He muttered something about stupid good- for-nothings who always made him do all the work and see if he'll cook for the again, but complied.  
  
They walked and walked and walked. Well, Misty and Brock walked and walked and walked, while Pikachu ran around and around like it was insane and Ash sort of walked and hobbled at the same time, being a little off-balance without his pokeballs. They eventually reached some town somewhere and ran to the pokemon centre. Well, Misty and Brock ran. Pikachu bounded through the air like a lunatic and Ash sort of hobbled faster, stumbling occasionally, being a little off-balance without his pokeballs.  
  
Nurse Joy saw them coming and opened the doors for them. "Oh dear, what's wrong what's wrong?" she asked in her drippingly sweet voice. "Is your pokemon hurt?"  
  
"We've got bigger problems than that, Nurse Joy," Brock said in a very macho way, hoping to impress her.  
  
She frowned in a drippingly sweet way. "Oh, but nothing is more important than pokemon who are hurt!" Here, her eyes got all twinkly. "That's why I've dedicated my life to helping them! Ever since I was a little girl--"  
  
Ash cut her off before she could tell her story. "Look, that's nice. But my pokeballs are off!!!"  
  
She stopped, scandalized. "Why, wash out that mouth of yours, young man! I won't have any of that dirty talk in a facility where very sensitive pokemon are healing!" She sniffed righteously.  
  
"But it's true!' he said miserably. "I woke up this morning and found out that my pokeballs weren't where they usually are, and so my friends and I went looking for them. Pikachu found them, and we packed them up in ice and came here straightaway."  
  
"Oh my goodness, you're serious!" she said with drippingly sweet concern. "Quick, Chansey, prepare the emergency room. This is an emergency!" Chansey waddled off to the emergency room and "prepared" it...namely, turned on the lights, then sat down and waited for Nurse Joy.  
  
Brock handed Ash's pokeballs to her. She put them in her pocket, and put Ash on a stretcher. As they disappeared into the emergency room, Misty and Brock were told to wait. They sat down, worried. "There's nothing we can do now. It's all up to the powers that be," Misty sighed dejectedly. Brock awkwardly patted her shoulder, and was about to say something crushingly insensitive when a high-pitched, girly, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!" came from the emergency room. Seconds later, Ash was wheeled out of the room, with wide eyes and pasty white skin, looking traumatized.  
  
"Everything's better now!" Nurse Joy said cheerfully. "I just jammed everything back where they should go!"  
  
Ash limped gingerly off of the stretcher and cowered behind Misty, trying to hide from Nurse Joy. Misty winced sympathetically and patted the top of his hat. Meanwhile, Brock decided to have another try at picking up Nurse Joy. He decided on a more direct approach and just tried to kiss her. She was scandalized in a drippingly sweet way, and righteously kicked him in the pokeballs.  
  
At sunset, they left the town, both Ash and Brock whimpering and limping and clutching their pokeballs. Misty thanked god that she was a girl, and Pikachu ran around screaming "PIPI PIKACHUUUUUU PIKA!!!!!!!!!" at the top of its lungs like the little freak that it was. And song, except for the pokeball-clutching, everything was back to normal.  
  
-The End 


End file.
